


Take It From Me

by JennaTalbot



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, probably, some violence, they're murder bbys what did you expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-20 08:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11917026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaTalbot/pseuds/JennaTalbot
Summary: When things go sideways during an intel gathering mission, people are hurt and feelings come out. Oh, and Pekka Rollins is to blame for this one too.





	1. Chapter 1

Finally, they stopped running. Kaz leaned heavily on his cane, and even Inej was panting. She leaned against the wall in silence, and they were only disturbed by the sounds of their heavy breathing.

“That did not go as planned,” Kaz commented finally. The pair was fleeing from the north end of the Warehouse District, where it was rumored that the Dime Lions were facilitating the transport of slaves. Kaz saw an opportunity to destroy one of Pekka Rollins’ business ventures, and wasn’t about to let it slip through his fingers. Inej was immediately on board once she heard what the rival gang was up to. Kaz still wasn’t sure what went wrong or how they were spotted, but it was obvious that the game was up. Which left the fleeing. Instead of heading straight back to the Slat, Kaz and Inej had weaved south along the outskirts of West Stave, hoping to throw off their pursuers without taking a fight to the unsuspecting Dregs.

Inej just hummed in response, still working on getting enough air. She was used to stealth- sneaking and climbing- not mad dashes through the streets.

“We’ll head back at a regular pace from here, now that we’re far enough to-”

Inej looked at Kaz, as he cut off mid sentence, and gasped in horror when she saw the knife blossoming out of his chest. She heard a cackle and shuffling feet behind her. Without thinking, she pulled the knife from Kaz’s chest and hurled it at their attacker. It struck him square in the back and he fell, motionless.

_A coward’s death,_ Inej thought viciously before she turned back to Kaz. He had fallen to his knees, a look of shock still pasted on his face. The fact that the man had gotten close enough to throw a knife without either of them knowing was worrying enough, and the fact that she had just pulled it out of Kaz’s wound was also worrying. The blood had begun to flow freely.  

Inej quickly ripped off a strip of cloth from her shirt and pressed it to the wound. “Kaz, Kaz!” His eyes were unfocused and she shook him slightly, desperate for some response.

“Inej, you need to go.” His rough voice sounded even rougher than normal. “You need to get out of here, there will be more coming.”

“No, not without you,” Inej shook her head, eyes bright with unshed tears. _This isn't real. This can't be happening._

Kaz let out a weak laugh. “What are you going to do Wraith, carry me? No, go do something useful, spend what’s left of my four million _kruge_. No mourners. Go!” His eyes fluttered shut.

Inej looked down at Kaz in horror. The cloth she had pressed to his chest was already soaked through with blood, and her hand was covered in it. 

_He’s going to die,_ Inej though numbly. _After everything we’ve done, Kaz is going to die here._

She shook her head again and straightened her spine. “If that’s what I have to do. You are not dying here Kaz Brekker. Not like this.” She hesitated, and then pulled Kaz’s shirt off, tying it around his chest as tightly as she was able. It wouldn’t do a great job, but it would hopefully stem the flow of blood somewhat.

Gritting her teeth, she picked Kaz up and draped him over her shoulder as best as she could. He moaned slightly. _At least he’s still… conscious._ Her mind skipped over the word alive, shying away from the other possibilities that brought.

She took a deep breath and started walking, knowing she had to get as close to the Slat as she could. Every so often she would mutter to Kaz, trying to get a response. She knew she had to keep him conscious, but her body was screaming at her, and it took all of her effort to remember how to put one foot in front of the other.

_Walk Inej, walk._ Left, right. Left, right. _Walk._

Her muscles were trembling with exhaustion and she belatedly realized that she had started crying at some point, but she couldn’t stop now. Kaz was dying, bleeding out on her shoulder.

Finally, she was forced to give it and accept she wasn’t going to be able to make it back. She let out a desperate sob. Her body was in agony. Sheer force of will wasn’t going to enable her to carry Kaz any further. The world tumbled down around her, but as it did, Inej looked up and saw a form in the distance. A familiar looking form.

“Jesper?” She called out, desperately hoping she wasn’t wrong. “Jesper!”

The Saints were on her side this night, as the figure turned and jogged over to her. “Inej? What are you- oh _shit_!” His eyes widened as he saw Inej standing there, covered in blood and holding an unconscious Kaz.

“Jesper, you need to get Nina. Now! Hurry, please!” Inej gasped out. It sounded more like sobs than words, but Jesper must have understood because he turned and ran, his long legs eating the distance that Inej had struggled with.

Shakily, she walked into the shadows of the alley and lowered Kaz to the ground as softly as she could. She reached down to check for his pulse, terrified at what she might not find. Her fingers hesitated above his skin, but she pressed them against his neck all the same. At first, she could only feel her own frantic heartbeat. But finally, she felt the faint attempts of a heartbeat under Kaz’s skin. She let out a sob of relief and adjusted the shirt around his chest. It had soaked through again, and the amount of blood was more than a little worrying.

“Kaz,” Inej tried to wake him up. “You need to stay with me, okay? You’re Kaz Brekker, you don’t get to die in a back alley this close to home.” There was no response. “Please?” Suddenly, the hair on the back of Inej’s neck stood up and she tensed. Spinning around slowly, she saw two men standing at the entrance of the alley.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” One asked in a deep voice.

“If you ask me, it looks like that bastard Brekker and his Wraith,” the second man spit out the names.  
  
Inej saw red. She was exhausted and scared, and not in the mood for a fight. She advanced slowly, dropping low and pushing her weight forward onto the balls of her aching feet. _Get them out of the alley._ She was no street fighter and the odds were firmly against her. There were two of them, and they both had easily over a hundred pounds on her, but these men would be getting to Kaz over her dead body and not a moment sooner.


	2. Chapter 2

Jesper sprinted back through the streets with Nina close on his heels. Thankfully Nina had been in the Slat that night, and he hadn’t had to go to all over the Barrel looking for her. One look had told him that Kaz didn’t have that kind of time. And thankfully, Nina had taken one look at Jesper, wide eyed and panting as he burst into the room, and realized that something was seriously wrong. 

He stopped short when he got back to the alley where he had left Inej and Kaz. Nina almost ran into him, only just managing to stop herself from knocking the lanky boy over. She gasped when she saw what Jesper was staring at. 

Inej was sitting in a pool of blood at the entrance of the alley, two bodies on the ground next to her. 

“Inej?” Jesper asked cautiously, approaching the Suli girl slowly, like one would a cornered animal. 

She looked up at him, her face curiously blank. “Help him,” she rasped. 

Nina shook herself and ran past Inej into the alley. “Oh shit,” Jesper heard her exclaim, mirroring his earlier thoughts. 

Jesper crouched down next to Inej and placed a careful hand on her shoulder. “Hey Inej. You okay?”

She turned to look at him. “Help Kaz,” was all she could manage.

“Nina’s on it, Inej. I’m gonna stay out here with you, I would just get in her way. She knows what she’s doing.” They both knew that was a lie. While Nina had been practicing healing since they got back, she was still trained to destroy bodies and not put them back together. Jesper gestured down at her. “That’s a lot of blood…”

Inej looked down at herself, as if noticing the blood for the first time. “I don’t think it’s mine.”

Jesper barked out a laugh. “Saints, Inej. What happened?”

Inej hummed, thinking. She didn’t want to give away why her and Kaz had been out, but she trusted Jesper like a brother, despite Kaz’s misgivings. 

“We got a hint on Dime Lions activity in the north Warehouse District, so we went to check it out, something… something went wrong, somehow, and they spotted us.” Inej frowned.  _ Why had they been spotted?   _ No one saw her unless she wanted them to, and she certainly hadn’t wanted to be spotted earlier. “We ran. We didn’t want to lead the Dime Lions to the front door of the Slat with their claws out, so we took the long way around. Finally, we stopped for breath when we thought we were far enough away… one second we were talking, and then… there was a knife in his chest.”

Jesper frowned. “Did you see who it was?”

“No, but he won’t be a problem any more.” He shuddered at the ice in her voice. “Kaz told me to run, and I told him I wasn’t leaving him. He laughed and told me that if I ran, I could spend his four million. Or what’s left of it.”

Jesper blanched.  _ If Kaz was trying to give away his money… he really thought he was going to die. _

“So I carried him. I made it this far, but I didn’t think I was going to make it any further. Then I saw you,” Inej gave him a small smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

Jesper paused. “Where were you when Kaz got stabbed?”

Inej thought for a moment. “I don’t remember exactly. North of the Market.”

Jesper’s mouth dropped as he stared at the girl in front of him, still sitting in a pool of blood. “Inej. That’s  _ two miles _ away! You mean to tell me you carried his ass that far?” Jesper jabbed a finger towards the alley. “And then apparently killed two men twice your size?” He eyed the corpses. 

Inej just nodded. “I wasn’t going to leave him.”

“He does  _ not _ deserve you,” Jesper mumbled. 

“That seems to be a common refrain,” Inej hummed in agreement.

Jesper stood up. He retrieved Inej’s knives, one from the skull of the shorter man, and a second from the throat of the taller man. They both had Dime Lions tattoos on their forearms. He wiped them on his shirt, trying to remove the drying blood as best as possible. “Come on, how about we go check on Kaz,” he said as he handed the knives to her. 

Inej looked at him sheepishly. “I don’t think I can move,” she admitted. 

“Are you hurt?” Jesper asked, worriedly. “I’ll get Nina-”

“I’m not hurt. My muscles are going to be useless for a while though. I don’t do running. Or heavy lifting.”

Jesper let out a sigh of relief, glad it wasn’t anything more serious. He stood over Inej and gripped her shoulders, pulling the tiny girl to her feet. She leaned heavily against him, shaking. After a few moments, Jesper decided just to pick her up. It was a true testament to her exhaustion that Inej didn’t even try to argue.

He carried her into the alley, where Nina had finally rocked back onto her heels. The tension was evident in her face.

“How is he?” Jesper asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. Kaz looked so pale and small, propped against the wall. 

Nina sighed. “If the knife hit him just a fraction further to the right, it would have severed his artery and he would definitely be dead. As it is, he’s lost a lot of blood… I got him patched up as best as I can but…” she trailed off. “Only time will tell. I can fix wounds, but I can’t remake the blood he’s lost. Only his body can do that, if given enough time. But I can do my best to keep him comfortable in the meantime. We should get him back to the Slat though.” She finally turned to see Jesper holding Inej. She stood up. “Are you hurt?”

Inej shook her head. “My muscle cramps have cramps, but I’ll survive.”

Nina held her hands up and breathed out deeply, mentally feeling Inej’s body. “Your ankle?”

Inej cocked her head to the side. “Oh. Yeah, I landed on that funny when Kaz and I started running.”

Nina closed her eyes and concentrated, feeling the bones and ligaments under Inej’s bronze skin. “It’s sprained,” she commented. Her eyes flew open when she heard a sound from Jesper that could only be described as a squawk. 

“INEJ GHAFA! You walked multiple miles carrying Kaz-fucking-Brekker on a  _ sprained ankle?  _ And then fought off two grown men?!”

Inej just shrugged awkwardly as his grip tightened. Nina’s eyebrows rose, but she closed her eyes and breathed out again, concentrating on stitching the fibers of the torn ligament back together. There would be time to get the details from Jesper later. She heard Inej let out a moan when she finished her ankle. For good measure, Nina tried to relax some of Inej’s overworked muscles as well. It wasn’t perfect, but the girl would be able to walk again.  

“Better?” she asked.

“So much better,” she hummed. Then her eyes focused back on Kaz. “We need to get him back.” 

Jesper nodded and set Inej down. “I’ll carry Kaz. Nina, will you help Inej?”

Nina wrapped her arm around Inej to help support the smaller girl’s weight as they started walking. She tried to focus on Kaz, monitoring his heartbeat and breathing. They made much better time than Inej had earlier in the night, and were back to the Slat before first light. 

It wasn’t that they didn’t trust the rest of the Dregs, but word of Kaz’s brush with death did not need to get out onto the streets. Inej had taken care of the only three witnesses so far, but they didn’t want to add any more to that list if it could be helped. Luckily, Kaz was as paranoid as he was clever, and there was a secret staircase leading up the back of the Slat. Jesper paused on the landing. 

“We can put him in my room,” Inej suggested. Even with Kaz on his literal deathbed, none of them thought going into Kaz Brekker’s room uninvited was a good idea. Jesper laid him on Inej’s bed, but Nina tugged Inej out of the room. She started to protest, but Nina cut her off.

“You need a bath first, Inej. You are covered in blood, and I’m not sure who’s it is.”

Inej looked down, horrified. She had completely forgotten about the blood, and briefly about the three souls she had taken that night. Nina was right; she was filthy. She shuddered and let the Grisha lead her away for a bath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos! I appreciate them all <3 And I hope you all continue to enjoy~


	3. Chapter 3

Jesper entered the room quietly. Nina was standing over Kaz, and Inej was curled up in the armchair that Jesper had brought up earlier, sound asleep. She had been muttering in her sleep earlier, so Nina had helped, lowering her body temperature slightly and evening out her breathing.

“How is he doing?” He whispered. 

Nina looked at him and bit her lip. “His pulse is still so weak… I’m doing my best to help, but I don’t want to overwork his body. Jesper, he lost so much blood… I’m afraid it was too much.”

“He’s not going to die, not if our Wraith has anything to say about it.” They both turned to consider the small Suli girl. Curled up in her sleep, her youth was painfully apparent. Jesper was right though, Inej would keep Kaz alive out of sheer will if she had to. And if he had the audacity to die, Jesper would put money on Inej storming down to Hell and pulling him out herself.

Nina sighed. “I’ve had to help her too, she’s been getting so worked up.”

Jesper rubbed his face. “Can you blame her though?”

“No,” Nina answered. She thought about what she would do if Matthias had been in this position instead of Kaz. “She’s stronger than she looks.”

“You can say that again,” Jesper snorted. Inej stirred, and he immediately lowered his voice. “I know you’re doing your best Nina. I… just hope it’s enough.”

Nina nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”

They had thought about getting a real healer, but Nina didn’t think even four million  _ kruge _ would be enough to buy the silence of a healer that knew Kaz Brekker was almost on his way out. So Nina had been sitting at his bedside for the better part of three days, helping the boy’s body heal itself. Jesper had been busy spreading rumors that Kaz was out on a job, hoping to dispel any suspicions. And Inej had been sitting, curled in her armchair, hardly speaking and only eating when Nina forced her to. 

Jesper had filled Nina in on everything that Inej had told him.  _ “Honestly Nina, it’s no wonder the girl was so terrified! He told her to go spend his four million kruge. Kaz Brekker, giving away money? Inej must have thought the world was ending!” _

She was impressed. Incredibly so. Nina knew the Suli girl was strong, and independent, and capable. She had always considered Inej a good friend, and loved her dearly. But now, along with that love was a tiny seed of fear. Under Inej’s calm exterior, something darker was lurking. 

Nina felt Kaz’s pulse skyrocket and she turned back towards him to see his eyes open. They were darting around wildly, and he resembled a caged animal. 

“Hey, take it easy,” Nina reassured him, her hands raised. She slowed his pulse as she continued, “You’re alright, you’re back in the Slat.”

“Where’s Inej?” He rasped out, trying to sit up.

Nina rolled her eyes.  _ These two idiots.  _ She took a step back so he could see Inej, curled up in the armchair. “She’s fine. And she’s sleeping, so lower your voice.”

Once he could see her, Kaz relaxed, and let himself fall backwards onto the bed. He winced as his body came in contact with the hard mattress. 

Nina took a deep breath. She had questions, and now that Kaz was awake, she needed answers. “What do you remember, Kaz?”

He looked at her as if offended by her tone, but answered anyways. “I remember the warehouse. I remember being made, and I remember running. We got away, or we thought we did. And then… pain.” He winced again.

“Do you remember what this girl did for you?” Nina gestured at Inej.

“She wouldn’t leave,” Kaz said. He didn’t think that’s what Nina was getting at, and he could see the anger glinting in her emerald eyes. 

“‘Leave me here to die, Inej.’ ‘Go spend my four million  _ kruge _ , Inej.’ ‘We’re miles from home, carry me Inej.’” Nina’s voice had a hard edge to it as she made a mocking attempt at imitating Kaz. 

Kaz gritted his teeth. “I remember.”

Nina narrowed her eyes. “I have worked  _ very  _ hard the past few days to save your life Kaz. But everyone still thinks you’re on the edge of death. Your answer to this next question will determine which way you fall. Did you know?”

Kaz looked at Nina warily. He was weak, and alone in a room with an angry Heartrender. Not ideal circumstances. “You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“Did you know what she would do? This girl picked you up and  _ carried  _ you multiple miles, on a sprained ankle. After throwing a knife into the back of your assailant and killing him. And then when she physically couldn’t walk anymore, she guarded your unconscious ass in a back alley, where she fought off Ulmer Guillen and Thomas Yen, and killed both of them in a fight where she was very clearly at a disadvantage. And then she sat in a puddle of blood because her muscles gave out on her until Jesper and I got there. So I’m going to ask you one more time. Did you know what you were making her do? Did. You. Know.”

Kaz closed his eyes and did nothing to hide his shudder. Ulmer Guillen and Thomas Yen were two new Dime Lion recruits, but they already had a reputation. They didn’t have much going on upstairs, but they were both larger than the average man and skilled in fighting. “No,” he whispered. “No.” He repeated, with more force behind it. “Admittedly, I have asked… a lot from Inej, from all of you. But I would never…” he trailed off, still trying to process what Nina had just told him. 

She regarded him coolly. There was no reason for her to trust what Kaz was saying, but against her better judgement she did. Apparently, she and Jesper had been wrong.

“Alright,” she nodded. “Inej made me promise to wake her up when your condition changed.” When Kaz nodded, she turned towards Inej. “Hey, Inej,” she shook the girl gently.

Inej’s eyes flew open and she leapt up out of the chair. When she saw Kaz looking at her, she sunk back down. “Thank the Saints,” she murmured with her eyes closed. 

“Actually, I’ve been told that I have you to thank,” Kaz gave a tired grin.

Inej smiled for the first time since they had returned to the Slat. “I may have played a part.”

Nina got up, stretching. “I’m going to get some food and water, I’ll be back in a bit.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of the support! I hope you all continue to enjoy what I have planned for these two. As always, kudos and comments are loved and greatly appreciated


	4. Chapter 4

Inej finished telling Kaz her take on what happened, and he stared at her blankly. She shifted under his gaze, waiting for him to speak.

“Why did you do that?” He asked with a frown. 

Inej frowned back at him. “What do you mean?”

“I told you to run, to leave me there. You could have gotten killed, and you could have killed yourself,” he said angrily.

“You’re an ungrateful monster Kaz Brekker.” Inej was angry, but she kept her cool. Kaz was unreasonable on a good day, and this wasn’t exactly a good day for either of them. 

“I gave you an out and you didn’t take it. You should have left, I was as good as dead anyways. More of a liability than anything at that point. Inej, sentiment gets people killed in our line of work, you should know that by now. Caring is a liability.”

Anger flared inside of Inej. Sitting in a room and letting thoughts about Kaz dying fester for the past three days had done a number on her nerves and her temper. She did not need a lecture right now. 

Her eyes narrowed as she practically hissed, “So I’m just a liability then. First, I’m just an investment and now I’m just a liability. I really can’t believe you! You owe me your life, and not just from this. At the very least you owe me an apology! You are such a bast-”

The door opened and Inej cut off abruptly. Nina looked between the pair. Kaz looked irritated, but what else was new. Inej though, Inej looked furious. Nina could see the anger behind her dark eyes. Nina thought she also detected a glint of panic, but she wasn’t quite sure. She cleared her throat.

“Alright, so, I’m clearly interrupting something here. Whatever it is, you probably deserve it Kaz. But let me remind you that we found our dear Inej here covered in blood sitting next to two corpses. Just thought you might want to keep that in mind,” Nina said cheerfully as she set down the jug of water she had brought up. “I’ll let you two get back to it then. Although, Inej, I did work  _ really  _ hard to keep him alive, so maybe don’t kill him? You do you though.” She shrugged and left, clearly unconcerned. 

Inej turned her attention back to Kaz, but he had slumped back down onto the bed. Looking at him, she felt the tide of anger slip away. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I… thank you. Honestly.”

Inej nodded. “You’re welcome,” she told him curtly.

Kaz sighed. “Why do things always have to become complicated with us?”

At the word ‘us’, Inej looked up in surprise. “I wasn’t aware that there was an ‘us’,” she said carefully. 

“Well, there isn’t,” Kaz agreed. “Thanks to me,” he muttered under his breath.

“Hmm?” Inej wasn’t sure that she had heard him correctly.  

“Nothing. I'm tired Inej,” Kaz snapped and closed his eyes. 

Her shoulders drooped. “I'll leave so you can get some rest then.” She stood up to leave. 

“Inej,” Kaz blurted out. The girl in question turned her head to look at him. He didn’t say anything for a minute. “Stay. I mean… will you? Stay?”

Inej smiled sadly and took a seat in her armchair. She might not be ready to forget, but against her better judgement, she would always forgive him. Kaz returned the smile and then settled down into the mattress as best as he could. Fighting off sleep herself, she could pinpoint the exact moment when his breathing leveled out and he drifted off to sleep.

Before sleep could consume him, the only thoughts rattling through Kaz’s head were the circumstances under which Inej had last demanded an apology from him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, our little Kaz finally tries his hand at feelings! A bit of a shorter chapter this time, but I’ll have more up soon. The next chapter will hopefully make up for it. Thank you all for your support this far!


	5. Chapter 5

In the month that followed, things returned to normal. Kaz refused to speak of what happened, so the rest of them avoided the topic as well. Nina and Jesper went out of their way in an attempt to cheer Inej up on the days Kaz’s temper was particularly nasty, which seemed to be more frequent. And more directed towards the Suli girl.

_ “Honestly, he’s a bloody idiot,” Jesper had complained to Nina. Conversations about Kaz behind his back weren’t uncommon, but as of late they had become even more frequent. “He needs to get over this stupid emotional constipational rut he’s stuck in. Either tell Inej that he loves her, or grow the fuck up and move on.” _

_ Nina shook her head. “Ketterdam is more likely to be crime free before that happens,” she scoffed. “Inej should have left this place when she had the chance.” _

_ Jesper couldn’t help but agree. He loved Inej like a sister, but she was too stubborn for her own good sometimes. At that moment, she walked into the room and settled down next to Jesper, leaning her head on his shoulder.  _

_ “What are we talking about?” she asked. _

_ “The mysteries of the Universe my dear Inej,” Jesper nudged her.  _

_ Inej rolled her eyes and nestled further into his side. “So Kaz, right?” _

_ Jesper shifted under her weight slightly, leaning back onto his hands. “Something like that,” he had agreed.  _   
  


“Hey,” Jesper sat down next to Inej where she was curled up in a shadow on the rooftop next to where the crows roosted. She uncurled long enough to lean into Jesper and curl around him instead. He could tell that she had been crying, and he didn’t blame her.

Inej was silent for a few minutes. Jesper knew her well enough to know her emotions were simmering under the surface, and that she would let them out when she was ready. And he would be there to support her unfailingly. She needed someone, and Jesper was happy to be that someone. 

“Why does he hate me?” She asked quietly.

Jesper couldn’t stop the sound of distress that left his lips. He sat up straighter and tightened his arms around Inej, who buried her face further into his chest. “He doesn’t hate you,” he reassured her.

“It sure feels like he does,” Inej sniffed, her voice muffled by his shirt. 

Jesper sighed. Kaz had been particularly waspish that morning. It was obvious that he trusted Inej more than anyone in the Dregs, and more than anyone in their little group of Crows. But earlier, he had been cold, even by Kaz standards. He had accused Inej of not being good enough at her job, and threatened to have her replaced. And not just for the hit on the Dime Lions that they had gone forward with despite the apparent risks. Kaz had threatened to throw Inej out of the Dregs entirely. In front of everyone. Honestly, Jesper thought it was a miracle Kaz was still breathing. Inej hadn’t killed him, but Jesper thought he still might. He planted a kiss on top of her head as her body shook with silent sobs. 

-

Nina marched up the staircase, remembering how Inej had stormed past her earlier when she returned to the Slat. The tears on her face were apparent, but she didn’t stop to answer Nina’s worried call. She had been out that morning, visiting an old client who might have connections to Pekka Rollins. The meeting had been a disastrous waste of time, and now she came back to this. But she didn’t need to be there or even talk to Inej to know Kaz was the reason she was so upset. Nothing else seemed to get under the bronze girl’s skin.  _ Oh, I’m going to kill him for real one of these days.  _ She tossed her hair over her shoulder and barged in the room at the top of the stairs, stopping short when she was inside. 

First, she had never actually been in Kaz’s room. Nina wasn’t sure what she expected but… the tidy space in front of her wasn’t it. He had the entire top floor of the Slat to himself, and yet it was incredibly simple. There was a bed in the corner, a desk and a small chair on one wall, and a dresser on the other. There was a small window above the desk. It was far plainer, and cleaner than she expected, and she was immediately embarrassed by the thought of the pigsty she called her room. Although knowing Kaz, this room was just a facade, and there was a bigger, nicer room somewhere else on this floor. 

Second, Kaz was just standing in the middle of said room, a surprised expression on his face. As far as Nina could tell, he wasn’t aware that she had even came in his room. Or if he did, he simply didn’t care.

“Do you mind explaining to me what the hell that was about?” She questioned him. Her confusion wasn’t quite strong enough to mask her anger. 

Kaz shook himself out of his trance and narrowed his eyes. “You’re in my room.”

Nina looked around again. “Yeah, I am. Now what-”

While she was distracted looking around, Kaz had moved forward and put a knife to her throat. Nina raised her hands automatically in defense. 

“You can’t hurt me Kaz,” she warned him. “And I don’t think you would either. You need me. What would you do if you lost your Heartrender, or worse, made an enemy of one?” When the knife didn’t move, she said a quick prayer and continued, “Plus, you never get this defensive unless you did something to piss Inej off and she finally called you out on it.”

Kaz scowled for a moment and then took a step back, lowering the knife. Nina took that as a sign that she had been right, and wasn’t about to get knifed for provoking Kaz with her guess. At least, not yet anyways. She lowered her hands partially, but didn’t quite let them relax. Trying to have an emotional conversation with Kaz was like trying to put a mountain lion in dress clothes, so there was no telling what would happen next. Actually, Nina would probably rather take the mountain lion.  

“What did you do?” She tried again, managing to sound slightly less accusatory this time.

“Nothing.” 

“Inej is basically my best friend, and she’s possibly the most serene person I know. There is no way she stormed out of here crying because you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Kaz sighed and grit his teeth. “She wouldn’t leave.”

Nina raised an eyebrow and snorted, recognizing the phrase from their talk a month before. “Do you really want her to?”

“No,” he replied, sounding smaller than he would have liked. 

“I didn't think so,” Nina nodded. She crossed her fingers that they were actually getting somewhere. Spending this much one-on-one time with an angry Kaz was grating on her nerves, but she owed it to Inej to try and get some answers.  

Kaz seemed to deflate. “I told her… something she didn’t like.”

_ Like pulling teeth,  _ Nina rolled her eyes. “Clearly. Did you finally admit that you have feelings for her like a real man?”

“No,” Kaz spat, and she could see his eyes darken.  _ Less reference to the feelings then if possible. I like my internal organs inside of me,  _ Nina thought. “You’re going to think I’m an idiot,” he continued. 

“That ship sailed a long time ago, sorry to say.”

The boy in front of her gritted his teeth yet again, and she could see the indecision flash across his face. “I told her to leave. The Dregs.”

Nina gaped at him. “You did what?”

The glare she received was impressive. “You’ve heard her! All she ever does is talk about leaving, about how she wants to return to Ravka. She was never cut out for this life, and I’ve spent enough time trying to make her into something she’s not. If the only reason she’s staying is some misplaced loyalty to me, I wanted her to know that I don’t need it. She shouldn’t be here.”

At that moment, Nina radiated anger. Kaz even took a half step back. She raised her hands and constricted his throat. He clutched at it, gasping. “I want you to listen to me Kaz, and I want you to listen carefully. Whatever Inej may or may not be, she seems to be the only person that truly cares for you. I don’t know if you’ve ever cared for anyone in your miserable life Kaz, but it’s a thing that normal people do. And trust me when I say that Jesper and I have done our level best to talk Inej out of caring about you. Even Wylan and Matthias have tried to talk sense into her. Inej is one of the most sensible people I know, but she refuses to change her mind on this. And repeatedly,  _ repeatedly,  _ you prove that you aren’t worth an ounce of the love or trust that that girl gives you. You just told her to leave her friends, her home, her  _ family _ . Sure, maybe she has a biological family out there somewhere, but we’re all this girl truly has in the world. And you just told her to get fucked.” She released her hold on his throat and whirled around to leave, disgust plain on her face. 

“Wait.” Nina paused, shocked that Kaz had anything else to say to her. “Help me.”

Turning around, Nina looked at him in disbelief. “Help you?” Kaz nodded, once. “And why should I do that,  _ Dirtyhands _ ?” She spat the name.

“Because you’re right,” he said, far calmer than she would have expected, as he awkwardly rubbed his throat.  _ Kaz just asked for help and admitted that I was right? What sort of alternate universe is this? _

But Nina shook her head, still furious. “No.” She turned back around to leave. 

“Please,” he whispered. 

Now he had Nina’s attention. She had never heard Dirtyhands utter the word please before, and actually sound like he might mean it. She turned to face him, slowly. “Alright, I’m going to be very honest with you Kaz Brekker. I don’t particularly like you. You’re rude, you’re cocky, you’re emotionless, unless that emotion is anger, and you’ve done terrible, terrible things. I also don’t think Inej deserves you, and you  _ definitely  _ don’t deserve her. So convince me. Why should I help you?”

Kaz hesitated. “Because I don’t know what to do. She talks about leaving, so I assumed she wanted to leave. Clearly, that was a false assumption.”

“Nope, not good enough. Sorry,” Nina said, pulling the door open. 

“Because I need her!” Kaz blurted out. Nina pushed the door shut again as he kept talking. “Because you’re right. I am rude, I am terrible. I’ve built up a reputation as the monster under the bed and I revel in it. I  _ enjoy  _ it. I am what lurks in the darkness. But Inej... She’s innocent and pure and I’ve made her do terrible things too. And yet she stays. I’m terrified by the thought of her leaving, or getting hurt or… All I’ve done is push her away because it’s  _ easier  _ that way and she’s  _ still here.  _ She’s still here and she doesn’t look at me like I’m a monster, doesn’t treat me like I’m Dirtyhands. I used to be human once, before all of this. And she makes it so much easier to remember that.”

Nina looked him over. This is what she was waiting for. Her methods lacked charm and finesse, but provoking Kaz into revealing his emotions proved that he did in fact have them. She needed to hear from Kaz that he was willing to embrace his feelings for the Suli girl. He looked sincere- as sincere as someone with his reputation could. And like this, Nina could see his youth shining through. Kaz Brekker had been molded and hardened by the world, had seen things that no one his age should have to deal with. Inej had too. 

Sighing in defeat, Nina gestured at the bed. “Sit down,” she commanded as she pulled out the desk chair.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nina and Jesper are just trying Their Best but their friends refuse to communicate like normal people. This chapter was a beast to write, let me know what you think?
> 
> Also, if you haven't heard the song Heartburn by Wafia, go look it up! Also also, if you have Spotify, I highly recommend you look up the Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom playlist by Brittney Singleton. I've listened to exclusively this playlist for the last week now.


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, have you seen Inej anywhere?” Nina asked Jesper. She had spent the better part of the day checking all of the Wraith’s favorite hiding places, or at least the ones that she knew about. 

“I haven’t seen her since this morning,” the lanky boy’s face darkened. 

Nina nodded. “I heard.” Despite her talk with Kaz, she was still angry, and it was easy to let the bitterness creep into her voice. 

“When I left her, she was on the roof. She said she wanted to be alone for a while.” Jesper shrugged.

Nina thanked Jesper and padded off that direction. In reality, she was sure Inej knew she was being looked for. That girl managed to know everything somehow. Nina had checked the roof first, but Inej could have been three feet behind her and Nina still might not have noticed. Having a near-silent best friend could be challenging at times. 

It was a bit worrying that Inej knew Nina wanted to talk and was still hiding in the shadows. Nina just hoped she hadn’t overheard any of her conversation with Kaz. She was staking her bets that the Suli girl had wanted to be as far from Kaz as possible. Though Nina had also been willing to bet that Kaz was going to slit her throat earlier.

“I have Jesper’s rotten luck today,” she muttered, making her way up to the roof and hoping Inej would follow and reveal herself. 

After sitting in silence for a few minutes watching the sun set, her patience paid off. 

“I hear you’ve been looking for me,” Inej said as she appeared out of thin air in the dying light. Nina had been expecting her, but she still jumped at the sudden presence. 

“Saints! Yeah, took you long enough,” Nina tried to joke, but Inej didn’t smile. She patted the ground next to her. “Come sit.” Inej hesitated, and then sat down. “How are you? I heard you had a… difficult conversation with our fearless leader this morning.”

Inej just nodded, a faraway look on her face. 

Nina sighed. Probably better to just jump right in then. “You need to talk to Kaz.”

“What?” Inej frowned. “You brought me up here to tell me that? You weren’t there, but he wants nothing to do with me Nina.” Nina could hear the hurt in Inej’s voice, and she grabbed her arm to keep her from disappearing. 

“I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t have agreed to talk to me if you knew what I wanted to say.” Inej grumbled but she knew Nina was right.

Inej bit her lip. “You talked to him?”

“Yeah,” Nina nodded. “And you should too.”

She turned her dark eyes towards Nina. “Why? So I can hear him tell me again how I don’t fit in here, that I don’t belong? That hurt plenty enough once, thank you.” Her voice broke on the word belong.

Nina hesitated for a moment. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea… But she continued on anyways. “He… I don’t know what it is this time Inej. But I do. I think you need to speak with him, and listen to what he has to say.”

Inej glared at her, eyes narrowed. “This is awfully different from what you usually tell me about Kaz.”

“I know.” Nina said softly. “Normally, I would tell you to run. Normally, I would tell you that having feelings for him is about as much good as me trying to fly. Normally, I would tell you just how much he doesn’t deserve you. That he’s awful, hardly human, and incapable of love or affection. And I won’t lie to you, I almost killed him earlier. Truly. But…”

Inej cocked her head to the side. “What did he tell you?”

Nina just shook her head. “It’s not my place to tell you.” She stood up. “Inej, as your friend, I’m sucking up my pride and telling you that I think you should listen to him this time.” And with that, she turned and climbed down the ladder. 

Inej sat, unmoving for a long time. Nina’s change of heart surprised her, and it intrigued her. Nina was as stubborn as Kaz when she wanted to be, and somehow he had changed her opinion of him. Or at least, her opinion as far as he and Inej were concerned. Inej didn’t doubt that Nina still disliked Kaz in the general sense. She had never been his biggest fan, and Inej wished that she could say the same. But now… Nina thought enough about something Kaz had said to spend the whole day looking for her, to convince her she should go talk to Kaz. 

She bit her lip and stared off at the setting sun. What if Kaz had simply told Nina that he wanted nothing to do with Inej anymore? That would certainly make Nina happy, and give her motivation to convince Inej to talk to Kaz. But what would Inej do then? She would be forced to leave the Dregs. She didn’t think she could survive on her own, without a gang to back her up. She would have to leave Ketterdam then. No, Kaz would never give up an investment as valuable as his Wraith, she thought bitterly. 

Inej’s insides burned with shame at this train of thought. Nina would never do that to her, no matter how much she disliked and mistrusted Kaz. But Nina wasn’t there this morning. She didn’t hear him… 

These thoughts wrestled around in her head as she tried to determine what to do. 

The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true. But where was she aiming? She wasn’t sure she knew anymore.

Finally, she stood up and lowered herself off of the rooftop, ignoring the ladder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t resist sticking my favorite quote from the book in here. Thank you all for your continuing support on this! It’s looking like it will end up at 9 chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for description of a panic attack. I don't think it's anything worse than what was described in the books, but I don't want to catch anyone unaware.

“You wanted to talk?” Kaz whirled around to see Inej poised on his windowsill, silhouetted by the darkness. He hadn’t heard her approach, although that should hardly be surprising to him by now. 

“I wasn’t sure you were going to come.”

“I wasn’t sure I was going to either,” Inej replied cooly. She watched as he shifted his weight on his good leg and tightened and relaxed the grip on his cane. Was Kaz Brekker nervous? If she didn’t know any better, she would think he was. 

“Will you come in?” He asked her, still fidgeting slightly. Inej hesitated, and then jumped off the sill and onto the floor. But she refused to move away from the window. 

Crossing her arms across her chest, she asked, “What now?”

Kaz sighed. “I’m sorry, Inej. For what I said earlier and… well, for everything. I was wrong.”

Inej looked at him with narrowed eyes. “How much of that was Nina’s words and not your own?”

“Nina was no help, she tried to kill me and then told me to pretend I was a human for once,” Kaz told her wryly. 

“The sounds like Nina,” Inej hummed. 

“But her message was clear and… well she was right. I… have feelings for you Inej,” he continued. 

Inej scoffed. “And I have feelings for this window. And for the food I eat, and the air I breathe-”

“Saints Inej, I’m trying!” Kaz exclaimed. He took a breath. “I'm sorry. Alright look, I need you around Inej, I like having you around. And I don’t like much of anything anymore. And…” his eyes lost focus as he stared off at some long forgotten memory. “I know I used to know how to feel love once, long ago. But it got me nowhere. With you though…” he trailed off again. 

Inej looked him over carefully. “Tell me about your childhood,” she suggested softly. If Kaz was going to apologize and start throwing around terms like love, now was her chance to learn more of the boy she had apparently dedicated her life to. 

Kaz grinned a twisted grin. “Well, I’m not from the Barrel. I’m not even from Ketterdam, and I’m certainly not a bastard. My entire life here is a lie. I’m just a crippled farm boy from south Kerch.”

“You had a family then?” Inej asked to cover her shock. The Bastard of the Barrel was infamous, a Ketterdam legend. Inej knew most of Kaz’s reputation was fake, but she never thought to question his heritage of all things. 

“Yeah. My mother, she died when I was little. I don’t remember her much. My father raised us- me and my brother.” His voice caught on the word brother. “Jordie.”

Inej bit her lip, unsure if she should keep pressing. Anger pushed her forwards. She wanted answers. “And yet you want to throw me out of my family,” she said bitterly. Kaz winced. “Why did you come to Ketterdam then?”

“Our father died. Plow accident. So we left. Just the two of us in a big city, with the deed to our family farm.” Kaz’s face darkened. “I’ve never told you why I hate Pekka Rollins.”

Inej shook her head. “No.” It was obvious that Kaz disliked the man, going to borderline insane lengths to get under his skin. Inej didn’t know what the connection here was, but she had a feeling she was going to find out. 

“Pekka Rollins killed my brother.”

“Oh Kaz, I’m sorry,” Inej whispered.

His eyes took on that faraway look again. “I’ve come this far, I might as well tell you everything,” he murmured. He took a shaky breath. 

“Kaz,” Inej interjected before he could start talking again. She put her anger aside. “I won’t lie to you. I’ve always wanted to know more about your past. And I appreciate everything you’ve already said to me. But… this is clearly personal. And despite what’s going on between us, I don’t want you to tell me because you think you have to. You’re entitled to keep your secrets.” Inej knew Kaz had likely never said any of this out loud before, and she felt simultaneously nervous and honored that he was choosing to talk about it now, with her.

He looked at her, considering. Inej watched the internal battle play out on his features. “You deserve to know,” he responded after what felt like an eternity.

Taking a deep breath, he told her about his brother and his foolishness in trusting Jakob Hertzoon, who Kaz later discovered was Pekka Rollins. The one thing he left out was how his brother died, simply ending his story as Rollins relieved the boys of the only possessions they had in the world. Inej noticed the omission, but decided not to pry further. 

But Kaz shuddered, and Inej recognized that quick breathing pattern. She looked at him, confused, until it dawned on her that Kaz was acting the way that he had on the transport wagon, back before they broke into the Ice Court. “Kaz?” She asked him worriedly. He had his eyes squeezed shut and his breathing was shallow and rapid. 

“Hey, Kaz, listen to me. It’s me Inej. We’re in your room, it’s just the two of us here, it’s ok,” she tried to placate him.

“Keep talking,” he managed to choke out. 

So she did. Inej spent the next ten minutes talking about any safe topic she could think of. The pleasant weather they had been having, the lovely sunset she had seen, how she had found a new technique for sharpening her knives. She made sure to keep her voice as calm and soothing as she could manage, fighting off the fear she was feeling. 

With one finally shudder, Kaz’s breathing finally leveled out. “Thanks,” he muttered gruffly. 

Inej just nodded. She was sure that Kaz had nothing else to say to her know. She knew how embarrassed he had been after the incident in the transport wagon. There was no reason to believe that this was any different. She braced herself to hear him telling her to leave. To her surprise, that wasn’t what happened. 

“I need to tell you this, but it’s… difficult to talk about.”

“What?” Inej blinked at him, confused. 

Kaz sighed. “You told me once that you wanted me without armor, or not at all. I… need to tell you why I can’t do that. I want to. But I can’t,” he said bitterly. “It seems there’s a lot of things I can’t do.”

Inej thought back to that conversation. It felt like a lifetime ago. She hadn’t known Kaz was really even listening to her then, or that he would hold onto those words for this long.

“Kaz…”

He sighed. “Please. I… I can't carry this around by myself any more.”

Inej nodded. “I’m listening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Kaz is growing up so fast :’) It’s ok to ask for help sometimes.   
> The next chapter is going to talk about his experience on Reaper’s Barge, but again I don't think it's any worse than the book outlined.


	8. Chapter 8

Kaz sucked in a deep breath. “Once Jordie and I were on the streets, we knew life was going to be miserable. Didn’t know it was going to be short too,” he growled. “The plague came through a few days later. Firepox. Jordie came down with it first, a fever that left him weaker than I’d ever seen him. Two days later, I had it too.”

Inej watched him clench and unclench his hands as he tried to press on.

“I had a dream, a fever dream I guess. I was back on the farm. When I woke up... “ He took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t actually know if I was awake. Semi conscious is my best guess, but I felt hands on me. I was moving, and then falling. And then I was suffocating. I woke up, for real, and-” he cut off abruptly and closed his eyes. 

The silence stretched on for a few minutes. Inej could tell Kaz was battling with his panic again, and wasn’t sure if she should say anything. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing and cause Kaz to stop confiding in her, but she also didn’t want to influence him to keep talking if he had had enough. This conversation looked like it was causing Kaz physical pain, and it made Inej uncomfortable. He said he wanted this Inej, pay attention.

Finally he continued, his voice a detached monotone. “I woke up on Reaper’s Barge surrounded by corpses. Firepox victims mostly. I was covered in them, being crushed by their weight, surrounded by the scent of death and rotting flesh. They were all over. I spent the better part of a day dragging myself out of the tangle of limbs. The Barge isn’t watertight, why should it matter when it’s filled with corpses to be burned? They were all bloated and ghostly pale. I made it to the edge of the Barge and realized I was going to die. How convenient that I was already where the dead belong.” He took another deep breath, his eyes still closed. Inej looked at him in horror, trying to imagine it. 

“I laid on the edge of the Barge, waiting to die. Then I realized it was Jordie’s corpse next to me. And truthfully, the only thing that saved me was the sudden burn for revenge that consumed me when I saw him. Pekka Rollins did this to us. If it weren’t for him, Jordie and I wouldn’t have been on the streets, we wouldn’t have caught the plague, or we could have had money for a medik. Revenge was the only thing that got me off of that death ship. I clawed my way closer to the water and dragged Jordie with me. There was no way I could make that swim alone, I was nine and still weak from the fever and dehydration. But Jordie’s rotting corpse could still float. He saved my life again, and all I could do was gag the entire time I swam back, as his flesh peeled off in the water under my fingers. But when I made it to the pier, I promised him that I would get his revenge, or die trying.”

Inej was revolted, but she kept her face carefully neutral as Kaz opened his eyes. “The gloves…” she murmured. 

Kaz nodded. “Yeah. After that day I can’t… I just... all I can think about is…”

“It’s ok,” Inej cautiously tried to reassure him.

“It’s not,” Kaz snapped. “I was never good enough. Jordie was the favorite, everyone loved him. Even I looked up to him like he was the entire world. I wanted to be just like him, but it was never enough. Then I survive that only to emerge afraid of a simple touch, condemning me to a life of loneliness. Going forward from there, I became a cripple. So what did I do? Went to jail, joined a gang, killed, fought my way to the top, embraced being alone. The world isn’t kind to people like me Inej. I’m a monster because I have to be. No one will take me seriously otherwise.”

Inej was silent. She didn't know what to say.

Misinterpreting her silence, Kaz spat, “It’s fine Inej, you don't have to come up with a way to let me down. Don't bother telling me what I already know.”

“No, that's not… I know you well enough to know you don't want pity. And I wouldn't offer it anyways. You're not one to be pitied Kaz Brekker. And you should know me well enough by now to know leaving isn't something that I do. I do have one question though,” she added after a beat.

Kaz eyed her wearily. “What?”

“Is Kaz Brekker your real name?”

Kaz couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. “All of that, and your only question is about my name?”

Inej nodded. “It seems to be the only thing I don't know about you now.”

He traced a pattern on his bicep, where she know he had an R tattoo. “Kaz is my real name, I've never given that part of me up. But no, Brekker wasn't my last name. It was Rietveld.”

Inej hummed thoughtfully. “Kaz Rietveld,” she repeated thoughtfully.

“That boy died a long time ago on the streets of Ketterdam.” His voice was hard.

“Maybe so,” Inej said carefully, “But I think I would have liked to meet him.”

Kaz looked at her strangely for a moment and then sighed. “I'm not him. Not anymore. Even if I wanted to, I could never go back to the way I was.”

“And I'm not the same Inej Ghafa that my parents once knew. Simply changing your name doesn't change who you are Kaz.”

He shook his head. “There's no going back.” Inej heard the finality in his voice, and decided not to push. This was probably the most emotional conversation Kaz had ever had, and he looked about as terrible as when he was stabbed. But she couldn't let the conversation end without one last question.

“Where does that leave us?”


	9. Chapter 9

Inej leaned forward slowly. Kaz took in a deep breath and looked down. Her hand was hovering above his, and his glove sat on the bed next to him where he had dropped it. 

“Are you sure?” She asked him, frowning.

Kaz just nodded, afraid to open his mouth. He trusted Inej and he wanted her. It was as simple as that, he had realized. He wanted her to touch him. He wanted to feel her skin against his. Something as basic as touching hands should not make him react this way, should not make him this nervous. It was just a hand, and it was just Inej. Living, breathing Inej. 

“We don’t have to do this,” she repeated again, the frown still plastered on her face. 

Looking up, Kaz locked eyes with Inej. “Please,” he whispered. He wanted her to do it before his nerve failed him. Because he wanted this, but that didn’t mean he could override his mind and the fear that came with it for long. 

Inej nodded. She lowered her hand, painfully slow. She wanted to give Kaz time to pull away if he decided that this was too much. Kaz had told her how deranged he had felt last time he had been touched, and she didn’t want him to go through that again. She didn’t want to be the one to put him through that again. But he had asked her for this specifically, and she didn’t want to deny him.

“Inej…” he started, trailing off. “I don’t know where that leaves us. I don’t know if I can do this. Any of this. All of this. I… I want to. But-” He cut off in frustration. 

Inej bit her lip. “I won’t ask more from you than what you’re willing to give Kaz. I don’t know what we’re doing right now either, but I don’t want it to be more than you’re comfortable with.” He made an angry sound in the back of his throat but she continued. “I mean it. When you brought me to the Dregs, I thought I was going to be a prisoner here too. But you gave me my knives, and my courage, and my freedom. Do you remember what you told me when I asked if I had to get the Dregs tattoo, to pledge myself to this gang of thieves and murderers?”

“I told you I wasn’t going to be the one to mark you again,” he muttered. 

“You did,” Inej nodded. “I think that was when I realized you weren’t actually a monster, despite what you let people believe,” she hummed. “You didn’t ask me to do the one thing that I was most afraid of. And I was. Terrified actually. So I’m not going to ask that of you. Not now, and not ever. I… know what I said to you before, and I don’t want you to think that I need this… relationship to be physical, if you’re not comfortable with that. As far as I’m concerned, you already put your armor down for me Kaz.”

Kaz had just nodded, and quickly changed the subject. Inej could see how exhausted he looked, and the two of them spent the rest of the night discussing less personal subjects, neither quite ready to leave the other’s presence.

The following night, Kaz knocked on Inej’s door and asked if he could come in. She let him in and he sat down, pulling off his glove.

Kaz hadn’t pulled away yet, so Inej gently let her hand rest on Kaz’s palm. She felt how tense he was and she could hear his breathing quicken, so she started to pull back. But he surprised her by grabbing her with his bare hand, his long fingers wrapping entirely around her tiny wrist. Clearly, he had surprised himself as well, and he was staring at their hands in shock, seemingly frozen in place. He held on for a few more seconds and then quickly let go, shoving his hand back into his glove and avoiding meeting her eyes. 

“Are you ok?” Inej asked him softly.

He didn’t answer for a moment, and Inej feared that she had messed this up, whatever this was. There wasn’t exactly protocol for this, she didn’t think, but Inej still couldn’t help but worry she had done something wrong. 

After a moment he looked up at her. “Yeah,” he answered, a small smile forming on his face. 

The smile that Inej gave him in response lit up the entire room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but technically this one didn’t exist until… just now. I had a thought for this scene and then couldn’t get it out of my head, so here it is. I relate to Kaz a lot in this chapter, and I think it might be my favorite so far.


	10. Chapter 10

Nina smiled as she saw Kaz drift down the stairs. Over the past few months, life had improved in the Slat. Especially if your name was Inej or Kaz. Which by default, made your life easier if you were also named Nina or Jesper.

Her eyes tracked Kaz as he made his rounds, finally settling at a table with Jesper, Wylan, and of course Inej. The two were happy now. Or at least, as happy as two thieves and murderers with seemingly never ending emotional baggage could be.  

_Although, I probably shouldn’t judge,_ she grinned as she ran her fingers through Matthias’ hair.

“What was that look for?” He asked, one eyebrow raised.

Nina hummed. “How many times do you think you’ve seen the same bird twice?”

Matthias just looked at her. “You are so weird,” he deadpanned.

“But you love it,” Nina winked.

“You’re right,” he sighed dramatically.

Jesper’s laughter rang out across the room and Nina looked over. Wylan was bright red and had been pulled down onto Jesper’s lap. Inej was giggling behind her hand, and even Kaz was smirking. Nina had no idea how they got here, but she was incredibly thankful that they did.

_Inej was sitting on the edge of a desk, humming a lullaby with her eyes closed. Kaz moved to flip the page of the book he was working on, and his arm brushed against Inej. He froze and Inej stilled, but never stopped humming. The look on his face was one of pure panic for just a split second, and then he relaxed, letting out a deep breath. Slowly, he returned back to what he was doing. Once his attention had returned to his book, a smile crept over Inej’s face. She kept her eyes closed and kept humming, as if nothing had happened._

_Talking to Inej hadn’t been a magic fix. There would never be an easy fix to their problems. But, it had helped. Having someone to share his burden with didn’t make the pain or the fear or the memories go away. But Kaz felt lighter now. He would never forget what happened to him, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. Not entirely. The awful things that happened to him were a part of him, but they didn’t threaten to overwhelm him anymore._

_It started innocent enough. After their conversations, Kaz tried to pretend that nothing had happened. And he was successful, for all of three days. Nina was the first to notice. She never asked about the details of their talk; that was between those two and not her place. She was dying of curiosity, but knew she could never ask and they would never tell. But Inej was still there. And Kaz was walking with more spring in his step than he had been previously. The third day was when Nina really started to notice the changes though. Inej liked to perch on things- desks, tables, chairs, cabinets, you name it. And it was like Kaz and Inej had become magnets- one was constantly being pulled towards the other. Inej would be perched on top of a table on one side of the room, while Kaz was on the other. Within the hour, the two would be sharing the table space. Nina’s favorite part was that neither of them seemed aware of this phenomena. They would start apart, and one would shift or stretch, and inevitably end up closer to the other. This process repeated without fail until they were in close proximity. They hardly noticed each other until they were in each other’s personal space. Over time, that space became less and less distant._

_Nina was starting to think that she had entered some sort of alternate universe._

_After a week, Nina came in one day to find Inej perched on the back of a couch with Kaz sitting below her. They weren’t touching, but if one of them had shifted, they would be. She cleared her throat when she entered, and they both jumped, as if they hadn’t realized the other was there. Inej smiled sheepishly and excused herself. Kaz somehow managed to look mortified while still glaring daggers at Nina. She had just winked at him and proceeded upstairs._

_“So tell me,” Nina had asked Inej the following week, “What exactly are you guys?”_

_Inej had giggled. “A girl can’t kiss and tell Nina!” Her face reddened. “Not that we have, we didn’t- I mean…”_

_Nina had just laughed. More seriously, she added, “It’s really good to see you happy Inej.”_

_“Thank you,” she answered sincerely. “It’s partly because of you.”_

_“Ugh, don’t remind me!” Nina had fake swooned, sending both girls into a fit of laughter._

_That didn’t mean things were perfect though. Not by a long shot._

_“Kaz, I’m sorry but-”_

_Kaz whirled around. “Oh, you’re sorry? Well, great. I’m glad that you’re sorry. I’ll go take your sorry and spend that at the bank, shall I?” He hissed._

_Inej bristled in response. “I was going to say that I’m sorry about your plan going sideways, but you know what? I’m not. I AM sorry that I saved your miserable life yet again though,” she threw her hands up in exasperation and stalked off._

_Kaz stood in the hallway, dumbfounded. After a moment, he stormed off up the stairs, leaning heavily on his cane._

_Nina rubbed her temples, prepared to have to get Jesper and go defuse this bomb too. In the end, she decided it could wait until the morning though. She was exhausted from their run through the city and their encounter with the Razor Gulls, and the first, actual bomb. Maybe these two children could figure this out on their own for once._

_She didn’t see either of them the next day. She spent most of it looking for Inej, recruiting Jesper for help. Together, they checked everywhere they could think of for both Inej and Kaz._

_“If she doesn’t want to be found, we’re not going to find her,” Jesper had complained after hours of searching. “There’s a reason she’s called the Wraith.”_

_“No,” Nina agreed, “But she’ll know that we’re looking for her and maybe she’ll come out. It worked before.”_

_But eventually the pair had had to call it quits, and went to bed that night without seeing Kaz or Inej._

_To Nina’s surprise, the couple in question were both sitting at the same table the next morning, their hands close but not touching, as if nothing had happened. She eyed the situation wearily, but couldn’t sense any tension between the two. Nina opened her mouth to make a snarky remark about finally growing up and communicating like real adults, but she closed it again. These two were fragile enough as it was, they probably didn’t need her butting in._ Sometimes, being the better person is no fun, _she thought grumpily as she silently retreated._

_In addition to that spat, the two fought frequently. Most of the time, no one was entirely sure what set them off._

_“Honestly, they fight like a married couple,” Jesper pretended to wipe away a tear._

_“Yeah, a married couple that’s about to kill each other,” Nina eyed Inej’s hand, creeping closer to one of her knives._

_Jesper had laughed. “Like I said, a normal, married couple.”_

_On a different occasion, Nina found herself alone in a room with Kaz._

_Nina wasn’t sure what exactly Kaz and Inej did in their scant free time. When they weren’t out meddling in everyone’s business and killing people, what did they do? She wasn’t exactly sure that she wanted to know, but she couldn’t stand not knowing. Her morbid curiosity was getting the better of her._

_She cleared her throat. “So, Kaz,” she started. Since they were alone, she figured this was a perfect opportunity to try and get some answers._

_“So Nina,” he replied cautiously. The two still weren’t on the best of terms, and he wasn’t sure what to expect from her. They mistrusted each other and that wasn’t just going to clear up now that he and Inej were… dating?_

_“What are you and Inej doing later?” She asked as innocently as possible._

_Kaz raised his eyebrows. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he smirked. Before he left, he winked at her. Kaz Brekker_ winked _._

_Nina stood frozen in place, jaw wide open._

_Then came the Disappearing Inej Incident._

_Inej had killed again. It was supposed to be a routine hit on a wealthy merchant, but when had their hits ever gone according to plan? No one was supposed to get hurt. But Wylan had misinterpreted the signal and set off the mini bomb too soon, and their cover had been blown._

_Jesper and Kaz were fighting off the mercher’s guards, and Inej thought she could still get what they came for. She snuck her way around the back of the wagon, intending to locate the small chest that was their target. The sound of fighting drove her forward, desperate to be done with this before someone got hurt._

_Silently, she pulled herself up and over the lip of the wagon. Thankfully, there was no one inside. Everyone was preoccupied with the threat that they could see. Her eyes lit up when she found it. It looked exactly like the drawing Per Haskell had given them. She thanked the Saints before grabbing it and making her way out of the wagon. She intended to loop around the back of the fighting and get Kaz’s attention so he could signal a retreat. They would be long gone before anyone knew anything was missing. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out that way._

_“Stop!” A voice cried as she slipped out of the wagon. She knew she had been spotted and she was torn between fight and flight. She whirled around, drawing out a knife with her free hand, but froze when she saw the figure in front of her._

_It was a small Suli boy, who couldn’t have been more than twelve. In her moment of hesitation, the boy ran forward and attacked her, beating her with his fists. Inej shoved him away, easily overpowering him despite her small stature. But his cries attracted the attention of the guards._

_Suddenly it was her with her back to the wall, the boy, and five guards. Inej groaned inwardly. Kaz and Jesper were close on their heels though, and as they came into view, Kaz saw what Inej was holding. He gave a sharp whistle, their signal to retreat, and then disappeared._

_There was another small explosion near the wagon, and the mercher stumbled out of the front, coughing. Two of the guards ran off to assist him. The distraction was enough. She grinned and scaled the wall behind her, slower than normal and off balance with the chest dangling from one hand, but still making good time. She grinned again when she got to the top and ducked out of sight. They had done it! Now she just had to meet up with the others._

_“What did you do you stupid boy? You let them get away!” Voices drifted up from below. Inej’s heart dropped and she crept forward just in time to see the mercher hit the boy across the face. “You’re useless! To think I saved you from that slaver so you could let some thieves make off with my most priceless treasure? Kill him,” the man snarled._

_“No!” Inej shrieked as the boy’s body hit the ground, giving away her position. She dropped the chest and prepared to launch herself over the wall._

_“Inej no!” A rough voice commanded as someone grabbed onto her arm and yanked her back._

_She turned and looked at Kaz, tears in her eyes. The look of horror they held pierced his heart. “I killed him,” she whispered. “If he hadn’t seen me…” A bullet whizzed by her ear._

_“We need to leave,” Kaz tugged on her arm, his face dark._

_Inej let him drag her back, numb. After that, no one saw her for three days. Kaz spent the entirety of those three days looking for her, snapping at anyone who got too close, but with no luck._

_The third night that she had been missing, he finally dragged himself up to his room. The window was wide open and it was freezing, the nighttime chill permeating through. Grumbling to himself about how he knew he had shut it last time he was there to keep out said chill, he made his way over and slammed it shut. Turning around, he saw Inej curled up on his bed, asleep._

_It took time after that for Inej to come back to herself. No matter what anyone told her, she knew in her heart that she had gotten that boy killed. A Suli slave, just like she had been. The irony was not lost on her. She knew she would never get over it, and she admitted as much to Kaz._

_“That’s the difference between you and I, Inej,” Kaz told her. “You still care enough for it to hurt.”_

_Inej just looked at him with tired eyes. “I don’t want to care anymore,” she whispered._

_“Don’t you_ ever _say that Inej,” Kaz told her fiercely, stepping forward to wrap her in a tight hug._

_It only lasted a few seconds before Kaz had to let go and step back, but in that moment, Inej knew she was going to be alright. She wasn’t alone, and with time and the help of her wayward friends, she began to forgive herself._

_Six months later, Nina had enough evidence to support her alternate universe hypothesis._

_“Jesper!” Nina hissed in an urgent whisper._

_Finally, he couldn’t ignore her anymore and looked up. “What?” He asked in annoyance._

_“You have to come see this!” She stage whispered, more urgently now. Jesper just raised his eyebrows without moving from his seat, intending to ignore her dramatics. Nina huffed. “It’s about Kaz and Inej,” she tried again._

_Jesper leapt out of his seat. “Why didn’t you start with that?”_

_“Keep your voice down,” she hissed. “I’m honestly afraid that if I breathe wrong around these two it will tear them apart. Or possible the fabric of space. Still not clear on that one.” She pulled him along behind her as she weaved around the tables for a better look into the next room, ignoring his confused look._

_“Ok but what are we- oh holy shit,” Jesper’s voice dropped down to a low whisper._

_Kaz and Inej were sitting at Inej’s favorite oak desk under the window. They were both focused on different things, but that wasn’t unusual. The two could be found in a similar position most days now. What was unusual was their hands resting on the table top. Kaz’s bare hand was resting inside of Inej’s flat palm, and their shoulders were touching. Neither of them really seemed to be aware of their surroundings. Nina and Jesper didn’t know the details of Kaz’s touch aversion, but considering they had only seen him with his gloves off once, and that had been at the Ice Court, they both knew this was a Big Deal._

_“So does this mean they’re married now?” Jesper whispered as they retreated._

_Nina shook her head. “I never thought I would see them like this.” Jesper nodded in agreement._

_“So,” Kaz commented dryly once they were out of sight. “There’s a reason neither of them are the Wraith. Those two won’t be invited to the wedding, right?”_

_Inej looked at him. “It’s a little early to be thinking about a wedding,” she chuckled._

_“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kaz said distractedly. Inej didn’t look back over at him, but if she had, she would have seen his scheming face._

_“Let’s just make it through today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next,” Inej continued._

_Kaz smiled. “Deal.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… that’s it! A big thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed this fic. I’m in love with this band of idiots, so you can expect more from me in the future! If you have any comments or criticisms on this work overall, I would love to hear them, here or on tumblr.
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> I've actually written quite a bit for this fic? Right now, it's looking to be at least 8 chapters. So... if you like it/want me to continue, please let me know! (AKA I need validation from strangers on the internet and this fandom needs more content). Please feel free to come scream about this book with me on my tumblr!


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